Last night I was at a reading event for this undergrad literary magazine that I’m a part of, and pretty much I got inspired by a couple of the poets who went up for the open mic. I’ve always appreciated poetry, but I’ve also never put in either the time or effort.
Because, poetry < prose, obviously.
So today I was in class, with the residual effects of five hours of sleep and nine cups of coffee. And I couldn’t quite shake a conversation I’d had with the poetry editor about how I hate my poetry because it’s always insanely sappy & melodramatic [& not mentioned, but a bit too abstract].
Essentially he told me that even people who write poetry have to get all of that stuff out of them before they can get to the good stuff. And that lil tidbit really made me feel a *whole* bunch better.
ANYWAYS. I was early to class so I sat in there with my lil pretentious moleskin and started writing away. Sappy poem after sappy poem, trying to get that stuff OUT. GONE. BYE.
I ended up writing a satire piece on Capitalism, bc duh, and… this lil piece.
Not going to lie, this one really surprised me. I had no idea that I was still even remotely affected by this anymore. I mean, it’s been years, and I’m a whole ass adult. I thought this stuff just dissipated as soon as you blew out the candles on the cake of your 20th birthday.
So when I got home and read it out loud in the way I imagine it being heard, it brought out the tears. WHAT. I am truly shooketh. Although, also not, because if anything I remember from the times I dabble in poetry, it really does bring up some odd emotions that are tucked WAAAAY deep in the subconscious. I need to get more into it, tbh. I concede that it truly is pretty wonderful.
But, even then. My comment still stands.
It hurt me to watch
As the sink piled up
And she left nothing
But harder nights
I see it more
I feel it more
That I am here
With a bed of only sheets
And no one more
It pained me to feel you scream
I know it wasn’t me
Even as I crept in late
And drank our pain away
A falling neglect that came
From her to you to me
I didn’t like to watch
As you two fought
With words that vibrated through the walls
Did you know it hurt me too
As much as it pained you
It pained me to hear the gaping silence
Not everyone got it
And some of them left you
Leaving the house emptier
As you collapsed inwards
And it all fell through and through
I understood you
Felt a pain in everything
So I pulled back my sleeves
And slowly cleared out the dishes
I love you dad.